It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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