im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
