Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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