break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
