that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
