listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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