Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
