i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
