I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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