I am spending my child support on dildos
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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