this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
