The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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