I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
