dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
