You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
