Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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