k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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