She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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