my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
