Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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