When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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