I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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