The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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