i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
