Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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