pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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