Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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