if you like me you must not know who I am
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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