my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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