U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
