Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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