The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
