he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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