I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
