Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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