so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never underestimate the power of titties
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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