the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
