Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
