I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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