I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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