"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
