i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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