The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My vagina is very pro this idea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
