Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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