Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You made out with two different species that night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
