Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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