I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
