Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
