A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
