You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
