my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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