You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
