You really coming over, don't trick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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