brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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