Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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