I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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