I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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