Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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