Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
