another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
