So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
