i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I believe in your delicious
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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