I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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