clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
