saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
